Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
