you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
