2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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