Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So vagazzling was a success
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