You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
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I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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