I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
