It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
