u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
