I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
