when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He passed out mid-signature
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
