I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
