I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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