So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
