dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
