just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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