The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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