Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
