nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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