We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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