Buhtt sex?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
