I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
