also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
