If you die in college, do you die in real life?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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