Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You are a genius and a whore.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
