my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
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What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
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I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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