I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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