just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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