Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
