Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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