I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
