Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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