YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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