so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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