Umm I'm too high to move.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
