Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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