we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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