So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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