I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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