The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
