Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
