At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
