Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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