What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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