There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
