Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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