Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
