I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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