So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
