You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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