I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
