I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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