After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize