Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
