I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
