Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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