He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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