brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
