im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
