Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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