I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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