new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
