he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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