I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize