peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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