once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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