even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
