Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
