it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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