We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
