During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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