Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
there is glitter all over my balls
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