but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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