Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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