how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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