i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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