I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
