We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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