it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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