Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I FOUND THE LEGS
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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