I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize