Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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